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The Twins' Family Christmas
Lee Tobin McClain
The Twins' Family ChristmasA mommy’s all his twins want for Christmas in this Redemption Ranch novelPastor Carson Blair plans a quiet Christmas vacation for his twin girls—until veteran Lily Watkins gets snowed in with them. Lily is drawn to the warmth of this family, but she’s hiding a secret about Carson’s late wife that threatens more than their holiday. And the twins have their own plan—one that includes a gift-wrapped mommy to complete their family.
A mommy’s all his twins want for Christmas...
in this Redemption Ranch novel
Pastor Carson Blair plans a quiet Christmas vacation for his twin girls—until veteran Lily Watkins gets snowed in with them. Lily is drawn to the warmth of this family, but she’s hiding a secret about Carson’s late wife that threatens more than their holiday. And the twins have their own plan—one that includes a gift-wrapped mommy to complete their family.
LEE TOBIN McCLAIN read Gone with the Wind in the third grade and has been a hopeless romantic ever since. When she’s not writing angst-filled love stories with happy endings, she’s getting inspiration from her church singles group, her gymnastics-obsessed teenage daughter and her rescue dog and cat. In her day job, Lee gets to encourage aspiring romance writers in Seton Hill University’s low-residency MFA program. Visit her at leetobinmcclain.com (http://www.leetobinmcclain.com).
Also By Lee Tobin McClain (#u9e2d1351-36d4-5617-874a-da9c35c7ee27)
Redemption Ranch
The Soldier’s Redemption
The Twins’ Family Christmas
Rescue River
Engaged to the Single Mom
His Secret Child
Small-Town Nanny
The Soldier and the Single Mom
The Soldier’s Secret Child
A Family for Easter
Christmas Twins
Secret Christmas Twins
Lone Star Cowboy League: Boys Ranch
The Nanny’s Texas Christmas
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
The Twins’ Family Christmas
Lee Tobin McClain
www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
ISBN: 978-1-474-08638-7
THE TWINS’ FAMILY CHRISTMAS
В© 2018 Lee Tobin McClain
Published in Great Britain 2018
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
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www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)
The snowman didn’t stand a chance against the twins.
Now, wrapped in a scarf and mittens, Lily stepped into the snow to help.
“So they talked you into it?” Carson’s deep voice danced along her nerve endings.
She held up her camera. “I thought I’d take some family photos.”
“If you’re sure...” He looked at her just a little longer than was necessary and she felt a strange sensation. It must be the Christmas season that was giving her these odd feelings about Carson. She never got fluttery around a man.
As Carson lifted the girls to place the snowman’s hat, Lily snapped photos.
“Miss Lily, let Daddy take your picture with us!”
She glanced at Carson to see him looking at her with his head cocked. Before she could measure that look, she was kneeling beside the snowman, the twins at her sides. They were irresistible, these two sweethearts.
And so was their dad.
Too bad one little secret stood between them. An insurmountable barrier.
Or was it?
Dear Reader (#u9e2d1351-36d4-5617-874a-da9c35c7ee27),
I love Christmas! Carols and decorations, kids’ excitement, Christmas Eve services—all bring joy. And what better place to experience Christmas than at a snowy ranch in Colorado?
Lily and Carson do experience Christmas joy, but they have pain to overcome before they can open themselves to love. The loss of his wife, Lily’s friend, leaves them both with unresolved issues to overcome.
The topic of suicide is a very painful one, but it is a reality that touches many lives, my own included. I have tried to portray fairly both the depth of misery that can lead someone to take their own life and the guilt that remains with survivors. Help is available: the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255, offers free and confidential support 24/7. As the gospel tells us in John 10:10, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
That is my wish for you and yours in this Christmas season: abundant life.
Thank you for visiting Redemption Ranch! Sign up for my newsletter if you’d like notification when the next book comes out: www.leetobinmcclain.com (http://www.leetobinmcclain.com).
Warm Christmas wishes,
Lee
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
—1 Corinthians 13:12
To Kathy, Colleen and Sally, who helped me brainstorm this story, and to Bill, for research assistance and emotional support. You guys are the best.
Contents
Cover (#u5a7f9cff-9661-5dad-8be9-7a23266e85c3)
Back Cover Text (#ua438ac6d-404d-5ed3-9e8b-91153b84c66e)
About the Author (#u2af03839-c748-57ac-afc2-451b54f46b28)
Booklist (#ub59a1c8d-22b9-5dda-82ff-8d1cca8cd9e3)
Title Page (#u478575a2-a7ee-58a1-b859-d8d7cca5d976)
Copyright (#u418bcc87-816e-57ea-84cc-34cc123b59bd)
Introduction (#ue93eab32-6f7b-5c51-a8d6-06b8109e8edd)
Dear Reader (#u41322f5b-c795-5b24-8bd2-a6efb4762605)
Bible Verse (#ua5d372b6-0b6d-5d89-8b78-f7ccf57d598f)
Dedication (#u95da4667-6f5b-5233-ac24-d0087ecabab3)
Chapter One (#uabf7d6bb-a18f-530b-981f-1e72a81554e1)
Chapter Two (#ubceb6f30-d3c7-5cdd-8471-f010f85c2112)
Chapter Three (#uaf3713b8-83b3-5626-9841-b3e02c648fdf)
Chapter Four (#u73f9e0b4-129c-5d22-9a43-6b428c0d36a7)
Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter One (#u9e2d1351-36d4-5617-874a-da9c35c7ee27)
You can do this.
Lily Watkins forced a smile as she carried the last of her photography gear into Redemption Ranch’s Cabin Four and then came back out onto the small front porch. “Honestly, I’m fine being alone on Christmas,” she said to her aunt. Which was true; at twenty-six, she’d already spent a fair number of holidays alone. “It’ll be peaceful. Just what I need to finish my project.”
The harder task would be to find out whether her fallen comrade’s kids were being mistreated by their manipulative, cruel father. Doing that, according to her army therapist, might bring her some measure of peace.
She just had to figure out how to investigate the status of Pam’s kids without losing her cool.
“I know several people in town who’d love to have you join them for Christmas dinner.” Aunt Penny pulled out her phone. “Want me to make some calls?”
She did need to go down into the town of Esperanza Springs, talk to people, in order to find out the truth about Pam’s husband and kids. But Christmas dinner wasn’t the time to do that. And although she needed to make new friends and get on with her life, she wasn’t likely to settle here in Colorado.
“No, thanks,” she said. “I appreciate the offer, and I appreciate your letting me stay. The place is lovely, and I’ve been so busy. I’ll enjoy a little solitude, to be honest.”
To her relief, her aunt, who owned the ranch for struggling veterans and senior dogs, didn’t put up a fight. “You’re doing me a favor, too, taking on that other little photography project I mentioned. Anyway, the cabin’s nothing fancy, but the scenery is nice.”
“It’s gorgeous,” Lily agreed, looking out toward the snow-covered Sangre de Cristo Mountains towering over the wide, flat valley where the ranch was situated. “I can’t wait to explore.”
“One of our older veterans will be here over the holidays, and a couple of volunteers will stop by to take care of the dogs. They can help you with anything you need.”
“I’ll be fine.” Lily smiled at the older woman. She was glad to have reconnected with Penny; they didn’t know each other well, since Lily had grown up across the country, but in their few interactions, the older woman had always been down-to-earth and kind.
“I admire you, going back to school as a veteran and working so hard at it. And I’m thrilled you’re using our ranch for your capstone project. Who knows, it might get us some great PR.” She hesitated and then spoke again. “I’ve always regretted not doing more for you when you were a kid. Your mom wasn’t the easiest to live with, and holidays stressed her out. No wonder you’d just as soon spend Christmas alone.”
Lily waved a hand. “I wasn’t any too easy to live with, either. I was wild.”
“I know, I heard the stories.” Her aunt chuckled, and then her face got serious again. “Just one more concern, and then I’ll stop mother-henning you. Your car isn’t really made for Colorado roads. The weather’s nice now, but I saw where we might get some freezing rain tonight, in front of some snow.”
Lily bit her lip, glancing over at her old car. Having spent the past year in Phoenix—and the years before that in the Middle East—she’d lost the knack for driving on icy roads. But she had to be able to get into town to investigate Pam’s husband. That was the key reason she was here.
Penny patted her shoulder. “Long John—that’s the vet I mentioned—can arrange a ride for you if you want to go down to town for Christmas Eve services.”
“Thank you.” It would be tough to miss church on Christmas Eve. “I might just have him do that.”
“Good.” Penny turned toward her car, and Lily walked with her into the frosty cold. “While you’re enjoying some mountain solitude, I’ll be with my daughter and grandson out east.” She gave a wry smile. “I wish I could invite you to join us, but my daughter and I have a shaky relationship. Say a prayer that we’ll all get along, will you?”
“Of course.” Lily understood family problems all too well. She hugged the older woman. “I hope you have a wonderful time.”
“I’ll try.” Penny got in her car, started it up and waved. Halfway down the short driveway, she stopped and lowered the window. “I forgot to tell you the name of that family you’re to photograph. It’s Carson Blair, one of our local pastors, and his twin six-year-olds. They’ll be staying up here for the week.” She raised the window and was off.
Lily stared after her aunt’s car as the name she’d thrown out so casually whirled tornado-like through her head.
Carson Blair? She was doing family photographs of Carson Blair?
Pam’s husband and kids were staying up here at Redemption Ranch?
The thought practically made her hyperventilate, but maybe it was a good thing. If they were staying here, it should be easy to do some quiet investigating.
She owed it to Pam. Paying that debt might help Lily move on.
She just had to make sure Carson didn’t discover the awful truth about Pam’s death.
* * *
Carson Blair whistled as he turned his truck into Redemption Ranch, a mere ten miles from his home in Esperanza Springs, but worlds away from his too-busy life. His last-minute plan to spend Christmas week up here was an opportunity to fill his daughters’ hearts while they were off from school, let them have plenty of Daddy time. He would preach the Christmas Eve service tomorrow night, but that was all. Canceling the few other events and closing down the building meant that everyone—the secretary, the janitor, the committee members and volunteers—could do as he was doing: focus on their families.
Coming early to the ranch also let him escape the numerous invitations a single pastor got for Christmas parties and dinners. He loved his congregation, but spending time with their big, happy extended families was a painful reminder of the life he’d hoped his girls would have, but that he hadn’t been able to provide.
He had to admit that he probably wouldn’t have made this Christmas getaway happen without his friend Penny’s urging. She knew he needed a break. But she’d also given him a small side job: watch out for another cabin resident here for the holidays, Penny’s niece, who’d been struggling with her readjustment to civilian life. Apparently she’d had formal counseling through the military, but Penny thought that Carson, as a pastor, could offer a different type of support.
“It’s worth a try,” the older woman had said. “And she’s a beautiful woman. You might enjoy her company.”
Carson had bitten back the uncharacteristically sharp retort that had formed in his mind: Yeah, but will she enjoy mine? Pam didn’t.
He really needed a vacation from failed efforts at matchmaking.
“Just don’t mention I asked you to talk to her,” Penny had gone on, oblivious to Carson’s inner dialogue. “She’s independent.”
He didn’t like deception, but if it was the only way this woman, Lily, would open up, he supposed he could comply with Penny’s request.
He pulled up to Cabin Two and turned to wake up the twins, both asleep in the back seat after a sugar-laden holiday party in their kindergarten class. Their identical faces were flushed, their long eyelashes resting on chubby cheeks. His chest tightened. Despite the sad ending of his wife’s life, the weaknesses of his marriage—the weaknesses he’d had as a husband—his daughters were the wonderful, God-given outcome.
“Wake up, sleeping beauties,” he said quietly, giving a light pat to Skye’s arm, then to Sunny’s.
“Is it Christmas?” Sunny jerked upright.
“Presents?” Skye asked, yawning.
Carson chuckled. His girls did know the true meaning of Christmas, but preachers’ kids were like anyone else’s when it came to gifts.
“Christmas is in two days,” he reminded them. “We’re at the ranch now, though. We’re going to do some sledding, and play with the dogs, and do puzzles by the fire. Let’s get our stuff into the cabin.”
“Yay!” Sunny cried, and both girls scrambled out of their booster seats.
But as Carson opened the truck door, Long John McCabe, one of the gray-haired veterans who lived at the ranch, came toward him, his walker bumping over the dirt path at an alarming pace. “Change of plans,” he said. “Willie’s cabin had a plumbing leak, so you can’t stay there. We’re putting you up in Cabin Five.”
Carson shrugged. “Sure, that’s fine. We’ll be a little farther away from you, but we can bundle up and come visit.”
“Long John!” Both girls spilled out of the truck and ran to hug the older gentleman, carefully, as they’d been taught. “We have a present for you,” Skye added.
“It’s a—” Just in time, Sunny slapped a hand over her own mouth.
“I might have a little something for you two girls as well.” Long John reached a shaky hand down to pat Skye’s head, then Sunny’s.
“I’m going to pull the truck down to Cabin Five so we can unload,” Carson said. “Girls, hop back in.”
“But we want to go pet Rockette,” Skye complained.
“And see Mr. Long John’s Christmas tree,” Sunny added, then looked up at the older man, her forehead wrinkling. “Do you have a Christmas tree?”
“If you don’t,” Skye said, “you can come see ours, when we get it set up.”
“Maybe you can come help!” Sunny suggested. “Daddy, can he?”
“I’m fine. I’ve got a little Norfolk Island pine in a pot.” Long John chuckled at the girls’ enthusiasm and waved Carson toward the row of cabins. “Go ahead, get unpacked and settled. I’ll entertain these two for half an hour, maybe fix ’em some hot chocolate.”
“Can we, Daddy?” Skye pleaded.
Carson drew in a breath to say no, not wanting to put Long John to the trouble, but just in time, he caught the eagerness in the older man’s eyes. Long John didn’t have any kids or grandkids of his own, and his worsening Parkinson’s disease made it difficult for him to get out.
He glanced over at Long John’s cabin and noticed an accessibility ramp in front, its raw, light-colored wood a contrast to the old cabin’s dark hue. That was new.
“You girls can visit,” he said. “But behave and do what Mr. Long John says.”
“Yay!” Sunny ran toward Long John’s cabin.
“Wait!” Skye called sharply after her twin. She walked beside Long John at a sedate pace, glancing over her shoulder to make sure that Carson had noticed her considerate behavior.
He had, of course, and he gave her a thumbs-up. It was such a blessing, these older veterans becoming a part of his girls’ lives. The twins had no local grandparents, but these men filled the gap, just as the girls filled a gap in Long John’s life.
He let the truck glide down the road to Cabin Five. Got out and opened the back hatch...and stopped.
At the cabin next door, kneeling to catch a photo of the sun sinking over the Sangre de Cristos, was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
Well, the second-most beautiful. He could never forget his wife’s glossy golden hair, her sparkling eyes. He’d never stopped loving her, even through the arguments and the emotional distance and the absences.
He’d never thought he would notice another woman. But he was sure noticing this one.
Was this Penny’s niece? If so...wow.
Clad in worn, snug-fitting jeans and a blue parka, the blonde was focusing so closely on what she was doing that she paid him no attention.
Not that a woman who looked like that would pay someone like him any attention. Pam—popular, fun-loving Pam—had been the amazing exception, the girl a former nerdy weakling would never have expected to attract.
“Daddy!” Sunny’s voice sounded behind him, out of breath and upset.
He turned to see her running toward him, covering the rocky dirt road at breakneck speed. “Slow down, sweetie! What’s wrong?”
“Daddy!” She hurtled into him and bounced back, grabbing his hand. “Mr. Long John is hurt!”
He dropped the bags he was carrying and turned toward Long John’s cabin. “Where’s Skye?”
“She’s sitting with him. Come on!”
Carson ran beside her, their breath making fog clouds in the cold air. He should never have left the girls alone with a man in Long John’s condition, even if he had seemed fine just a few minutes ago.
Running footsteps sounded behind him, then beside. “Which cabin?” the blonde woman asked. She was carrying a large first aid kit, and she lifted it to show him. “I overheard. Might be able to help.”
“First one in the row.” He gestured toward it.
“Daddy... I can’t...run any...more.” Sunny slowed beside him, panting, so he stopped to pick her up as the woman jogged ahead.
Now he could see Long John sitting on the bottom porch step, Skye beside him. The older man was conscious and upright, which was reassuring. When the blonde woman reached him, she knelt, spoke and then started pawing through her first aid kit.
Carson reached the trio a moment later and swung Sunny to the ground. “What’s going on? Everyone okay?”
“I’m taking care of him,” Skye said, patting Long John’s arm.
“That you are, sweetie.” Long John reached as if to put an arm around her and winced.
“I wouldn’t move that arm just now, sir,” the blonde woman said. Something about the cadence of her words spelled military. So this most likely was Penny’s niece.
“Good point.” Long John looked ruefully up at Carson. “I’m okay, it’s just the Parkinson’s getting worse. Affects my balance sometimes. I hit the edge of the porch wrong and went down. Bumped myself up and got a nasty splinter.”
“He was spozed to use the ramp,” Sunny explained, “but he didn’t think he needed it.”
“What’s Parkinson’s?” Skye asked.
“It’s a disease that affects your muscles.” As Long John went on with a simple explanation, Carson breathed a sigh of relief. His girls were okay, and Long John was, too, from the looks of things.
Penny’s niece—Lily, her name was—had Long John’s arm out of his parka and was using tweezers to remove the splinter. Once that was done, she swabbed the older man’s hand with something from a clear bottle.
When she glanced back and saw Carson watching, she frowned and nodded toward the porch. “This porch isn’t in great shape, especially for someone with mobility issues.”
Carson nodded. “They’ve been gradually upgrading their structures here, as money permits. Looks like this place should move to the top of the list.” The struggling ranch was getting back on its feet—they all hoped—but it would take time to recover from the embezzlement it’d suffered earlier this year.
Meanwhile, while Carson was here, he’d try his hand at shoring up Long John’s old porch.
“Good idea.” Lily gave him a brief smile and he sucked in his breath. No woman would ever be as beautiful as Pam, but this one, with her slim figure and short, wavy hair and lively eyes, came close.
Not that he was interested.
And certainly, not that she would be.
Carson focused back in on the conversation among Long John and his daughters.
“Could I get that disease?” Sunny was asking.
“Not likely,” Long John said. “I was in a place called Vietnam, and spent a lot of time around a fancy weed killer called Agent Orange. The doctors think that might be why this happened.” He waved a hand at his body. “But don’t you worry. They don’t use it anymore.”
“I’m sorry.” Skye patted his arm again, and Carson smiled.
A matching smile crossed Lily’s face as she looked at the little girl comforting the old man. “There you go, sir,” she said to Long John. “All patched up.”
“Can I help you get inside?” Carson asked.
“Just a hand to stand up,” Long John said. “Think I’ll take it easy, watch a little TV. Your hot chocolate will have to wait until another day,” he added to the girls.
“That’s okay,” Skye said, and then nudged her twin.
“That’s okay,” Sunny said with considerably less enthusiasm.
Carson helped Long John up on one side while Lily steadied him from the other. Once he was on his feet, he gestured for his walker. “I’ll be fine from here,” he said.
“But we want to see Rockette!” Sunny protested.
Bless her. That would give Carson the excuse to make sure Long John was settled inside. “We’ll just visit for a minute,” he said.
So he followed Long John up the ramp, the girls eager behind them, Lily bringing up the rear. Once inside, he stood ready to help the older man into his chair, but it was obviously a move he’d made many times before and he did it smoothly.
The girls joyously patted big, gray-muzzled Rockette, who licked their faces and then flopped to the floor with a big doggy sigh that made them both giggle. They settled down beside the patient old dog, patting her head and marveling over her soft ears.
“Can I make you some coffee?” Carson asked Long John, moving toward the kitchen area, basically one wall of the cabin’s main room. He noticed a single bowl, glass and spoon in the dish drainer.
“Don’t touch the stuff, but thanks.” Long John had the remote in hand, flipping channels.
“You let us know if you need anything.” Carson turned to usher the girls out and realized that Lily wasn’t there. Sometime while he’d been getting Long John settled, she must have slipped away.
Sure enough, when they got outside, he saw her up the road, walking rapidly toward her cabin.
Which probably meant she didn’t want to socialize. Penny had said she was independent.
But he’d promised to reach out to her. He’d get his things unloaded and then pay a little visit, do an informal assessment of his quiet neighbor.
* * *
Lily heard the little girls’ voices from a distance behind her and practically ran up the steps of her cabin. She went inside and shut the door.
Pam’s husband and her twins. Seeing them had tugged her emotions in ways she didn’t expect. Especially those adorable, energetic little girls who were the image of their mother.
What a family Pam could have had...if only she’d survived.
But Lily needed to focus on the future rather than wallowing in regret. She needed to gather her strength and find out if Carson was, in fact, an abusive bully. The least she could do for Pam, since she couldn’t turn back the clock and change what had happened, was to check on her children and make sure they were okay.
They’d seemed more than okay, but appearances could be deceiving.
She went to the window and watched as the man and the little blonde twins carried things into the cabin next door.
Hearing the laughter of the children, punctuated by some booming laughs from him, made loneliness squeeze Lily’s stomach, but she straightened her back and drew in the deep, cleansing breath she’d learned about from her army therapist. She deserved to be lonely.
Because the father-daughter fun outside didn’t make up for what was missing from the picture: a mom. Beautiful, mysterious Pam, who hadn’t gotten to spend nearly enough time with her husband and kids in the years before her death.
Don’t dwell on what you can’t change. Lily looked away from the trio’s good spirits toward Long John’s cabin. She’d seen the undecorated Christmas tree, the single strand of lights around the porch railing, the pizza box beside the trash can. All of it spoke of a man alone, and Long John wasn’t in such good shape.
Having a trained medic—her—up here over the holidays, when the older man was likely to be cut off from his support system, might be a blessing. Something God had planned. It was another way Lily could make up for her past.
When she looked back at the little twins, they were building something out of rocks, possibly a house for the bright collection of toys on the ground. Normally, she didn’t understand kids—they were aliens to her. But these girls’ serious, intent faces made her smile. They were focused on fun, just as kids should be.
Fun. It wasn’t something she’d thought a lot about. No time. She’d joined the army at eighteen, gotten trained as a medic and then a combat photographer, done pretty well for a poor girl from a rough background. After that, college on the GI Bill at an accelerated pace.
Everyone told her to slow down, but she didn’t want to. Slowing down gave her the time to think.
It wasn’t until she heard the knock on the door that she realized the girls’ father was nowhere in sight.
As she went to answer a second knock, she glanced through the window.
Carson Blair stood on her front porch. Her heart thumped, and she inhaled a bracing breath. She’d wanted to investigate the man, to make sure he was treating Pam’s girls well.
It looked like the opportunity had just fallen into her lap.
Chapter Two (#u9e2d1351-36d4-5617-874a-da9c35c7ee27)
Carson waited for the mysterious Lily to answer his knock, wondering at his own intense curiosity.
The pastor part of him had noticed the sad, distant look in her eyes. There was some kind of pain there, and it tugged at his heart. He’d try to establish at least an initial connection. There was plenty of time to do more probing, as Penny had requested, within the next few days.
He also wanted to get a better look at her, and honesty compelled him to ask himself why. Surely not because he found her attractive? He did, of course—he was human, and she was gorgeous—but gorgeous women were not for him. He wanted to marry again, if God willed it; his girls needed a mother, and his own work as a pastor would be enhanced if he had a wife ministering at his side. Not to mention how long and lonely winter evenings could be when you didn’t have a partner to talk to and love.
But this woman wasn’t a prospect.
The door jerked open. “Can I help you?” came a voice out of the cabin’s dimness. A voice that wasn’t exactly friendly.
“We didn’t have the chance to introduce ourselves. I’m Carson Blair. Just came by to say hello, since it looks like we’re going to be neighbors over the holiday.”
“Pleased to meet you.” Her voice didn’t sound pleased. “I’m Lily. What brings you to the ranch? Penny mentioned you live nearby.”
Her interrogation surprised him—in his counseling role, he needed to find out about her, not vice versa—and it made him feel oddly defensive. “My daughters and I are looking for a peaceful Christmas, away from our daily stresses and strains.”
“Your girls are stressed?” She came forward into the light, standing on the threshold. Her wheat-blond hair seemed to glow, and her high cheekbones and full lips were model-pretty.
So were her big, slate-colored eyes. Eyes that glared, almost like she had it in for him.
He took a breath and reminded himself of that old counseling cliché: hurt people hurt people. “I guess it’s just me that’s stressed,” he admitted, keeping his tone easy and relaxed. “Busy time of year for a pastor. But the girls are thrilled to be up here with Long John and the dogs.”
Her face softened a little. “It is nice up here. Good feel to the place.”
“Yes, there is.” He paused. “Say, Penny mentioned that you’re a photographer. And that she’d asked you to take some family photos of us as a Christmas present.”
“That’s right. When are you available?”
Noting that her body language was still tense, Carson decided that this wasn’t the time to work out details. Besides, she wasn’t inviting him in, and her short-sleeved shirt and faded jeans weren’t cold-weather gear. She must be freezing. “We can figure that out in the next day or two. Meanwhile, if you need anything, I’m right next door.”
He turned to go down the steps when two blond heads popped up next to the railing. “Hi,” Sunny, always the bolder of the two, called out to Lily. “What’s your name?”
Carson walked halfway down the steps and stopped in front of his curious girls. “I think Miss...” He realized he didn’t know her last name. “I’m sure our neighbor is busy right now.”
“Whatcha doing?” Sunny slid under the wooden rail and climbed the rest of the way up the steps. “Can we see your cabin?”
Skye, easing up the stairs behind Sunny, didn’t speak, but it was plain to see that she was equally interested.
“Girls.” He put a hand on each shoulder. “We don’t go where we’re not invited.” Watching the pouts start to form, he added, “Besides, we’ve got unpacking to do, and then some dogs to meet.”
“Dogs!” they both said at the same time, their curiosity about the lady next door forgotten.
“Unpacking first,” he said, herding them down the steps. But as he turned to offer an apologetic wave to their neighbor, he thought her stance on the porch looked lonely, her eyes almost...hungry.
* * *
The next morning, Lily shivered in the bright sun, looked at the newly slick, icy road out of the ranch and had a crisis of confidence.
Could her ancient, bald-tired Camaro handle the trip into town?
If not, could she handle staying up here without coffee?
The lack of caffeine had left her head too fuzzy to figure out how to investigate her surprise neighbors, and there was no coffee or coffee maker in the cabin.
She could go to Long John or Carson to see what she could borrow, but she didn’t want to open up that kind of neighborly relationship with Carson, not when she was trying to ascertain his suitability as a father. And she’d heard Long John say that he didn’t drink coffee.
Her caffeine-withdrawal headache was setting in big-time. So she had to go, and now, full daylight with the sun shining, was the right time, rather than waiting until later when it was likely to snow. And when all the shops would be closed for Christmas Eve.
Because most people wanted to be with their families.
You’re not an orphan; you’re just making a choice. Her father was still living, and he would have certainly taken her in for Christmas. If she could find him, and if he had a roof over his head. And if he was sober.
But in all the years she’d spent Christmas with her parents as a child, she couldn’t remember one where he’d made it through the holiday without heavy drinking. There was no reason to think that now, with her mother gone, this year would be an exception; the opposite, in fact.
And while she hated to think of her father being alone, she knew he probably wasn’t. He was probably carousing with his buddies. He was the friendly type and had a ton of them.
The image of her dad’s jolly face brought an unexpected tightness to her throat.
“It’s her!” came a high, excited shout.
“Hey, Miss Neighbor!”
The two childish voices let her know she’d stood reflecting too long. She turned, and the sight of the twins—Pam’s twins—coming toward her made her heart turn over. Clad in identical red snow jackets, black tights and furry boots, they could have been an advertisement for Christmas family joy.
And she couldn’t make herself turn away from them, even though she should. She’d keep it brief. “Good morning, ladies,” she said, kneeling down to be at their level.
They slipped and slid to her with the fearless footing of children accustomed to snow and ice. “Where are you going?” one of them asked.
Lily studied her. “Are you Sunny?” She’d noticed that Carson had gestured toward the twin in the lead when naming them yesterday.
“How did you know?” Sunny asked, eyebrows lifting high.
“Nobody ever does, at first.” The other little girl studied her, head cocked to one side.
“Just a guess,” she said, smiling at them. Man, were they cute.
Man, did they look like Pam.
“Where are you going?” The quieter girl, who must be Skye, asked.
“Down to town,” Lily said.
“Us, too!” Sunny sounded amazed. “Daddy sent us out to play so he could look over his sermon in peace, but as soon as he’s done that, we’re going down into town, too.”
Oh, right. Pam’s husband was a preacher. According to Pam, it was a cover-up for his abusive ways.
“Is your dad pretty strict?” she asked the twins. And then she wished she could take the words back. It wasn’t fair to ask the girls to tattle on their father. If she wanted to know something, she would discover it by observation, not by grilling these two innocents.
“What’s strict?” Sunny asked.
“She means, does Daddy make us behave.” Skye glanced back at the house. “He tries to be strict, but we don’t always do what he says.”
Lily was dying to ask what kind of punishments he meted out, but she didn’t.
Didn’t need to, as it turned out.
“When we don’t do what he says,” Sunny said, “we get a time-out.”
“Or an extra chore,” Skye added.
“Yeah, we have lots of chores!” Sunny spread her arms wide and nodded vigorously, the picture of childhood overwork. “We have to make our beds every day.”
“And put the silverware in the drawer.” Skye frowned. “Only, here at the cabin, we don’t have a dishwasher. So Daddy washed our dishes last night, himself, and put everything away.”
Lily waited for a continuation of their onerous list of chores, but it didn’t come. Either the list was limited to two not-very-challenging tasks or their attention had drifted elsewhere.
Meanwhile, she had better get going before Carson the ogre came out of the cabin. Even though she needed to check on Pam’s twins, she didn’t want to get sucked into even a superficial friendship. Not when she had secrets to keep. “It was nice talking to you girls,” she said, getting into her car and starting it up.
The girls still stood next to her car, and Sunny’s lips were moving, so she lowered her window.
“Maybe we’ll see you in town,” Sunny said.
“That would be...fun,” Lily said. Not. She would drive down to town, get the coffee and coffee maker she needed now even more desperately than before—her headache was getting worse—and then drive back up and hide out in her cabin for the duration of Christmas Eve.
Spending the holiday by herself seemed a little bit lonelier after talking to Skye and Sunny, but Lily pushed the feeling away. She put the car into gear and started cautiously down the icy road.
The car picked up speed on the incline, and she hit the brake reflexively. The car fishtailed a little, even though her pace was slow. Her heart beat faster, and her hands on the cold steering wheel were slick with sweat. If she went off the road, who would help her?
You’re tough; you’re a soldier. She just had to remember that you braked gently in icy conditions.
She gathered her courage and took her foot off the brake. The car started moving again.
There was a shout behind her, and when she looked into the rearview mirror, she saw the two little girls running after her. That wasn’t safe. What if they got too close and the car went out of control? She braked, harder this time, and the antilock tick-tick-tick-tick didn’t stop the car from sliding sideways. It stopped just at the edge of a two-foot dropoff. Not deadly, but... She put the car into Park and got out just as the girls reached her.
“We saw your car slide and we told Daddy!” Sunny said.
“And he said you could ride to town with us.” Skye looked up, her brown eyes round and hopeful. “We have a big truck.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay.” She walked to the front of her car, and it was, in fact, okay. About three inches from being not okay, but okay.
She looked back toward her cabin and saw Carson Blair striding toward them, flannel-shirted and boot-clad and looking nothing like any preacher she’d ever seen.
More like a lumberjack.
Weren’t there social media sites and photo calendars about good-looking lumberjacks?
She shoved that ridiculous notion away, her face heating as Carson reached them.
“Everything okay?” He patted each twin on the back and then walked around to look at the front of her car.
“It’s fine,” she said.
“But her car went sliding. Like a sled!” Sunny demonstrated with a complicated hand motion.
Carson nodded. “I like the rear-wheel-drive Camaros,” he said, tapping the hood, “but they’re not the greatest on snow and ice.”
“I didn’t think of that before I came,” she admitted. “Not much snow in Phoenix. But it’s no big deal for me to get to town,” she added while her body cried out for caffeine.
“Daddy’s a good driver,” Skye said earnestly.
“You should come to town with us!” Sunny was wiggling her excitement, which seemed to be her normal state of being. “You could come to church!”
“Oh, I...” She trailed off, part of her noticing that the girls seemed enthusiastic about church and life in general, nothing like abused children were likely to be.
“You’re welcome to join us,” Carson said. “We’re picking up a couple of things at the hardware store and then going to church for Casual Christmas Eve.”
That made sense of Carson’s lumberjack attire and the girls’ outdoorsy clothing. “Are you staying until midnight? Because I can’t...can’t do that.” Can’t deal with you and your girls for that many hours in a row.
Carson waved a hand and smiled, and he went instantly from good-looking to devastatingly handsome. “I scored this year. Got the afternoon service, and the other church in town—Riverside Christian—they’re doing the evening services.” He held out his hand. “Come on. I’ll drive your car back up, and you can ride into town with us.”
His comfortable, take-charge manner both put her at ease and annoyed her. It was nice to think of someone else driving on the slippery roads—and it was really nice to think of coffee—but she didn’t know Carson. Or rather, she only knew of him, and none of what she’d heard from Pam was positive.
Besides, she didn’t want to be that wimpy woman who needed a man to drive her around.
His hand was still out for the keys, but she held on to them.
A smile quirked the corner of his mouth. “If you want to drive it back up yourself, go for it,” he said, “although I’ve been itching to get behind the wheel of a cherry-red Camaro since I was seventeen.”
She suspected it was a ruse to make her comfortable letting him drive and help her save face. Okay, that was nice of him. She handed him the keys.
* * *
Carson was glad they ended up taking Lily to town. Beyond Penny’s request, he found himself curious about the shy photographer. She said she was working on a college project, and he had surmised from all the camera equipment that it involved photography. But that was all he knew.
He was about to ask when she turned to him. “So, how long have you and the twins lived in this area?” she asked.
“We moved here when they were born,” he said. “We’ve always lived in Colorado, various parts, but a job opened up here at just the point when we were ready for a more stable life. How about you? Where are you from?”
“Most recently, Phoenix.” Lily didn’t elaborate but instead asked another question. “Do you like the job?”
He got the odd feeling she was trying to ask him questions to deflect attention from herself. “I do. It’s a wonderful church and community. Not without its problems—there’s a lot of poverty—but people are good-hearted here. It’s an old-fashioned community. Neighbors look after neighbors.” Great. He sounded like his grandfather, hearty and wholesome and focused on his own small town. Not fun and exciting.
Pam had always criticized him for being boring.
But how could he not be? He’d grown up on the straight and narrow, with strict parents. Now he was a pastor and a frazzled single dad.
What chance did he have to be full of scintillating conversation, when his biggest social activity all season had been helping at the kids’ classroom holiday party?
“And how about you girls?” Lily turned in the seat to look back at them. “How do you like your town?”
“There’s an ice cream store,” Skye said matter-of-factly, as if that were the feature that determined the worth of a town.
“And our teacher, Ms. Garcia, is so nice.” Sunny launched into her favorite theme. “She brings her dogs to school sometimes. And when we told her we want a dog, too, she said one of her dogs is having puppies!”
Not this again. “If we ever did get a dog,” Carson said, “we would get one from the shelter. Not a puppy.”
“That’s okay, Daddy,” Skye said. “We like all dogs. We don’t have to get a mala... Mala...”
“Malamute?” Lily glanced over at Carson. “A malamute puppy would be adorable, but a lot of work. And hair.”
“Exactly.” Carson turned the truck onto Esperanza Springs’s Main Street. “Look at the decorations, girls,” he said in an effort to distract them from their dog quest.
It worked. Even though it was early in the afternoon, it was a gray enough day that the streetlights had lit up. The town resembled a Christmas card scene.
“So beautiful,” Lily murmured, leaning forward and staring out the window, elbows on knees.
“You said you live in Phoenix?” he asked.
“Yeah.” She wrinkled her nose. “We have Christmas decorations, but where I live, they tend to be giant inflatable cartoon characters and lights wrapped around the trunks of palm trees. This is prettier.”
Carson pulled the truck into a parking space just down from the hardware store. Across the street, the Mountain High Bakery was doing a surprisingly brisk business—people picking up their Christmas desserts, no doubt. In front of La Boca Feliz, Valeria Perez folded the signboard and picked it up, shaking her head at an approaching couple with an apologetic smile. Closing down for the day: good. That meant Valeria would be able to attend church with the rest of her family.
“Oh, wow, look!” Sunny bounced in her seat. “Mrs. Barnes’s new dog has reindeer antlers on!”
“Can we go pet it, Daddy? Can we?” Skye leaned forward to beg.
“In a minute. Get out on Lily’s side.” He came around and opened Lily’s door. Growing up as the only child of older parents had certainly had its drawbacks, like making him into a total nerd, but at least he had learned old-fashioned manners. His women friends always praised him for that. Usually in the process of making it clear that he was just a friend, no more.
And why did that matter? He automatically held out a hand to help Lily down from the high truck seat. He didn’t look at her, not wanting her to read his thoughts.
Once he’d helped her down and dropped her hand almost as fast as she pulled it away, he opened the back door of the truck. The girls tumbled out and rushed to Mrs. Barnes, an older member of the congregation known for pressing other church members into service doing things they didn’t want to do. At a ranch fund-raiser last summer, she had come to meddle but had ended up falling in love with one of the senior dogs. Now Bosco plodded slowly beside her, indeed sporting a pair of light-up antlers.
“Girls,” he warned, a hand on each one’s shoulder. “Make sure you ask Mrs. Barnes if it’s okay to pet Bosco.” He knew it was, but he also wanted the twins to practice safety around other people’s dogs. Plus, he knew that Mrs. Barnes enjoyed talking about Bosco, reveling in the attention and status her dog brought her. Indeed, several other people had already clustered around to admire the dog in his costume.
“Dogs sure do a lot for people,” Lily said, closer than he had expected.
He looked at her and saw that a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
“Oh, no,” he said, mock-serious, “you’re not going to throw me under the bus. I am not getting a dog.”
She raised mittened hands, laughing openly now. “Did I tell you to get a dog?” she asked innocently.
Her cheeks were flushed in the cold, and strands of blond hair escaped from the furry hood of her jacket. Her lips curved upward, and her wide eyes sparkled, and Carson’s heart picked up its pace.
Time to get businesslike. “The hardware store is right there,” he said, gesturing toward Donegal’s Hardware. “Come on, girls, let’s leave Mrs. Barnes to her errands. We have a few of our own to do.”
“What are you buying, Miss Lily?” Sunny tucked a hand into Lily’s.
Not to be outdone, Skye took Lily’s other hand.
They walked ahead of Carson, and the sight made his heart lurch.
Maybe this was a very bad idea. Carson didn’t need the girls getting attached to some model-perfect photographer who would be here only a few days. He’d noticed that they tended to be drawn to young women, probably because they missed their own mother. They’d been four when she died, so their memories were patchy, but despite Carson’s best efforts to be both mother and father, some part of them knew what was missing in their lives.
“I’m buying coffee and a coffee maker,” Lily said, “because I love coffee so much, and there isn’t one at the cabin.”
“You’re like our daddy!” Skye tugged at her hand. “Daddy isn’t very nice if he hasn’t had his coffee.”
Lily laughed back at him, and he couldn’t keep his own mouth from lifting into a smile. Their eyes met.
Color rose into her cheeks, and she looked away, and then the girls tugged her into the store.
Inside, tinsel and ornaments hung from the ceiling and Christmas music played. Long lines of customers waited at the two front registers, some holding wrapping paper and others bags of salt. Two men both approached the last snow shovel in a rack, and then one waved his hand in good-natured defeat. “You can have it,” he said, “if you’ll come over and shovel my walks when the snow starts.”
“Deal,” the other man said, laughing.
Lily and the twins had disappeared, so Carson took advantage of the opportunity to pick out two boxes of ornaments. They had a few, but not enough to make even their small artificial tree look as colorful as six-year-olds demanded.
Of course, Carson ran into several of his parishioners, and by the time he’d greeted them, Lily and the twins emerged from the back of the store. “Success!” Lily said, holding up a box with a coffee maker in it.
“And I have something for you.” With a fake-gallant gesture, he poured her a paper cup of free, hardware-store coffee and handed it over.
“You’re my hero,” she said, taking the cup and inhaling appreciatively. She took a sip and her eyes met his.
He started to feel giddy.
When they reached the counter with their purchases, Marla Jones, the cashier, reached over the counter to shake Lily’s hand. “So you’re Penny’s niece? Penny told me you were staying up at the ranch.”
Lily’s smile was a little shy. “I’m just here for a few days, to photograph the dogs. My senior project.”
“You know,” Marla said, “I’d like to talk to you about going back to school for photography. I’d really like to finish my degree, but I’m worried that I’m too old.”
“You should! It’s been a great experience for me. And there are lots of older students at colleges these days.”
“Do you mind if I get your number? It’s Liliana...what was your last name?”
“Watkins,” she said.
Shock exploded like a bomb in Carson’s chest. He must have made some weird sound, because she glanced over at him. When she saw his reaction, her eyes widened, and she turned quickly away.
The clerk rang up Lily’s purchases, still chatting, and then punched her number into Lily’s phone. Meanwhile, all the implications slammed into Carson. Lily was Liliana Watkins? Pam’s party-happy roommate? The one with all the boyfriends? He shook his head, but he couldn’t shake the pieces into place.
Why was Liliana at the ranch? Was she here to dry out? To bring a message from Pam? Most important, was it safe for his girls to be around her?
His eyes narrowed. Had Penny known the connection between Lily and Pam when she’d asked Carson to check on her?
Lily grabbed her purchase and her change, gave a quick, artificial smile to Marla and then hurried toward the door.
He wasn’t letting her escape. “Hey, wait up,” he called after her as he handed cash to Marla.
Lily hesitated, then turned.
Carson took his change and strode over to where she was standing. “I need to talk to you later, after church,” he said.
“Okay.” She looked pale, but she didn’t ask him why. For some reason, that angered him.
The girls were calling to him, talking to Marla, collecting his bags. “I’d like to get some information from you, Liliana,” he said, keeping his voice low, “about Pam.”
Chapter Three (#u9e2d1351-36d4-5617-874a-da9c35c7ee27)
A short while later, Lily stood in the foyer of the small church while Carson talked to a parishioner, and the girls excitedly greeted their friends.
Anxiety twisted her stomach. He knew.
Carson Blair had obviously just realized that she’d been Pam’s friend and roommate, and now she had to decide how to deal. And she had to figure it out soon, before the church service ended.
Just the fact that she hadn’t said anything when she’d met them made her seem guilty of wrongdoing. She should have copped to the truth right away. Should have smiled easily and said, “Hey, what a coincidence, I think I knew your wife.”
But she’d kept quiet. How was she going to explain that?
Out of all the things he was likely to think and wonder about, one was the most worrisome: Did he know she’d been right there with Pam at the end? How much did he know about his wife’s death?
“Come see our costume!” Little Sunny tugged at Lily’s hand, bringing her back to the present. They walked farther into the small, white-adobe-fronted church building. Evergreen boughs emitted their pungent aroma, and a large Christmas tree dominated the corner of the lobby. Adults talked and laughed and hung up coats while kids ran around. From the sanctuary, a choir practiced a jazzed-up version of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”; the music stopped midline, there was some talk and laughter, and then the group sang the same line again and continued on.
“Over here!” Skye beckoned, and Sunny tugged, and Lily followed them down a hallway to a classroom where barely organized chaos reigned.
“We’re two parts of a camel,” Skye explained. “I was the front in the dress ’hearsal last week, so Sunny gets to be the front today.” The contraption they held up made Lily smile; someone had affixed a brown sheet to a horse-on-a-stick, and a complicated arrangement of pillows made for the hump. Two holes allowed the girls’ heads to stick up through it, creating visibility and a very odd-looking camel.
“Can you help them into it?” a young woman, obviously pregnant, called over her shoulder. She was kneeling, trying to place a flowing head covering over a shepherd boy who kept trying to twist away. “I’m Barb, by the way,” she added.
“Um, sure.” Lily knelt beside the twins and, despite their confusing instructions, got the costume situated on them. Immediately, they began prancing around, running into another child just as Carson appeared in the doorway.
“Skye! Sunny!” He lifted his hands in warning. “Slow down.”
“Daddy!” They rushed over and struggled to embrace him, their camel costume twisting askew, as if they hadn’t just parted from him ten minutes before.
Wow, he was handsome. And she’d felt a spark between them earlier, in the street, when they’d teased about getting a dog.
What was that all about? Getting attracted to Pam’s husband was just plain wrong.
“You look great.” He hugged them both quickly and readjusted their costume. “I want you to go over there and sit with the others until it’s time to come out and do your show.” He guided them toward the calmest corner of the room, where several other child actors milled around.
“I’m sorry things are so wild, Pastor Blair,” Barb said. “I’m trying to get everyone dressed, but it’s hard. We’ll be ready when it’s time.”
“Isn’t Missy here?”
She shook her head. “Her little one’s sick. But I’m sure I can handle it.”
“If you tell me what to do,” Lily heard herself say, “I can help.”
“Thank you!” Carson gave her a smile that warmed her to her toes, and then someone called him from behind. He turned toward an agitated-looking acolyte who was holding a broken candle. He spoke to her gently, and they walked off down the hall.
“I’d appreciate your help.” Barb gave her a harried smile. “If you can just keep the kids entertained while I get these last couple dressed, and help me get them to the sanctuary, we’ll be good.”
Keep kids entertained? How did you do that? She wasn’t a mom or an aunt, and she didn’t have many friends with kids.
As she looked at them, her mind a blank, the group began to nudge and push one another in the small, crowded room.
Inspiration hit. “All right, we’re going to take pictures,” she said, pulling out her phone. “First, everyone stand up.”
Like well-practiced models, they instantly struck poses, and she snapped several photos.
“Now everyone look sad.”
They giggled and tried to do it without success.
“Now individual photos. Quietest kids go first.”
They continued doing photo sessions, and Lily actually got some good shots that the parents would love, including candids of the kids who were still being helped into their costumes.
What seemed like only a few minutes later, a gray-haired man appeared in the doorway. “You kids are up next,” he said, and the children shrieked and lined up, following Barb’s harried instructions.
Once they got to the front entrance of the sanctuary, several other adults appeared to direct the children, and Barb gave Lily a quick half hug. “Thanks for giving me a hand. You can slip in and watch, if you’d like.”
So Lily did, strangely warmed by the opportunity to help out.
The sight of the girls galumphing up the aisle, Sunny grinning and waving while Skye tried to hold the camel costume in place, made Lily’s breath catch.
Pam would’ve found the camel costume hysterically funny. Lily could almost hear her friend’s rollicking laugh that usually ended in an undignified snort. It would have created a disruption in church, but Pam would have enjoyed that, too, rebel that she was.
If only she could be here. If only things had gone down differently those last days before she’d died.
Lily swallowed hard and made herself focus on the service. But the past seemed determined to intrude. As she watched the children perform their nativity skit, breathed in the scent of pine boughs and candles, and sang the familiar carols, her own long-ago memories flooded in. Church attendance had been a spotty thing in her childhood, but for a stretch of several years, a neighboring family had taken her along to a Christmas craft workshop, where she’d enjoyed a few hours of contented concentration, making wreaths or pot holders or Styrofoam ornaments. Christmas music had poured out of speakers and people had been friendly and kind. For those short periods, she’d felt a part of a larger whole.
This seemed like the kind of church that would welcome a lonely child into their midst.
Maybe if she’d kept up her church attendance, she wouldn’t have gone down the wrong path.
When the skit ended to enthusiastic applause, the children left, and Carson stood in the pulpit. He looked around as if meeting each individual’s eyes. Was it her imagination, or did his gaze linger a little longer on her face?
“Did you know that Jesus was an outsider?” he began, and then continued on to preach a short but apt sermon, inviting everyone to recommit themselves to Christ, incarnated in the world, during this season.
He was a talented speaker, and Lily found herself thinking about the state of her own soul. She believed, read her Bible somewhat regularly, but she did feel like an outsider among religious folks. Her past had gone from isolated to wild, and while she’d straightened herself out overseas, with the help of a couple of Christian friends, she’d never found a church where she really belonged.
People in the congregation listened attentively, some smiling, others nodding. Carson seemed to be well respected.
And his kids obviously adored him.
So Pam’s assessment of her husband was at least incomplete—she’d portrayed him as mean and abusive. She’d also said that he put on a good show, of course, and maybe that was what was happening tonight. But as the service ended and she watched Carson greet people by name and ask about their families, she couldn’t detect even a note of insincerity.
It looked like he was going to be busy for a while, and the twins were still working on a craft in the Sunday school classroom. So Lily took a cup of hot apple cider from a smiling teenager and wandered off toward the small church library.
She didn’t browse for long before the woman watching over the library struck up a conversation that ended in an invitation for Lily to come for Christmas dinner. Even though she turned it down, the offer lifted Lily’s spirits. Then the clerk from the hardware store came over and started talking photography. Before she knew it, she was sitting in a small grouping of chairs, eating cookies and listening to a trio of women venting about how stressed they felt from Christmas preparations and expressing envy for her single, unencumbered state.
Yes, this was how church should be. Friendly and open and welcoming.
If she settled in a place like this, this was the type of church she’d want to attend.
“Lily.” There was a touch on her shoulder, and she turned to see Carson’s serious face. His interruption made the other three women exclaim about the time and get up to join the thinning crowd, collecting coats and children and heading out into the late-afternoon light.
Lily’s heart thumped in a heavy rhythm as Carson sat down kitty-corner from her. She looked around the church lobby, desperate for a distraction, an excuse to escape. Why hadn’t she used the church service as a time to figure out what she could say to this curious, grieving husband?
What could she say that wouldn’t devastate him?
“When I heard your full name, I realized that you were Pam’s roommate,” he began. “That surprised me. Did you come to Esperanza Springs because of Pam? Is there anything you can tell me about her?”
Lily shook her head rapidly. “I didn’t realize you all were here. At the ranch, I mean,” she added, to keep from lying. “I’m just here to photograph the dogs for a project I’m finishing up. And to take your family pictures, remember? The gift from Penny.” She was blathering.
And all of it was to deflect his interest away from her real purpose: to check on his daughters, for Pam.
His head tilted to one side, and there was a skeptical expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something more.
“Pastor! There you are. I have a little gift for you and your girls.” A curvy woman with reddish hair thrust a container of cookies into Carson’s hands.
“Thank you, Mariana.” Carson’s smile looked strained.
“I don’t believe we’ve met.” Mariana fixed Lily with an accusing glare.
“I’m sorry,” Carson said. “Mariana, this is Lily, one of Pam’s friends.”
“Pleased to meet you.” Mariana sounded anything but. “We all wanted to get to know Pam, but she was never around.”
“I’m glad to meet you, too,” Lily said in a weak response. She’d never thought about Pam’s career from her hometown’s point of view. It was odd that Pam had spent most of her leaves traveling, rather than being home with her family.
Mariana had just sat down when a teenage voice called from the doorway. “Mom! Let’s go!”
“Kids.” With a heavy sigh, Mariana stood, waved and walked toward the door.
Now the lobby area was almost completely empty, and parents were coming out from the back hallway with young children in hand. If Lily could only stall...
“Listen, we don’t have much time,” Carson said, “but I also know you won’t be around long. That’s why I’m really eager to talk with you about Pam. Do you know the circumstances of her last days?”
Lily blew out a sigh. “Didn’t they contact you? Usually the army is good about—”
“Yes, they contacted me and gave me the official version,” Carson interrupted. “But you and I both know that the official version isn’t the whole story. What was her state of mind, what had she been doing beforehand, that sort of thing.”
Exactly what Lily didn’t want to talk about, couldn’t bear to talk about. “I think I hear your girls,” she said desperately, standing up.
“Is there something I should know?” Carson stood, too, and stepped closer.
“No.” He most definitely shouldn’t know what had happened. It would only add to his unhappiness. “No, there’s nothing you should know. I’ll be outside.” She spun and hurried toward the door.
Why had she done that? Now he would know there was something she wasn’t saying. It would be so great to be a good liar, to be able to smile and tell Carson that Pam had spent her last moments thinking of him and her girls. That she’d been happy and content until the horrible accident had happened.
But Lily was a bad liar, and the pretty version was far from the truth.
She pushed open the door and walked out into a sunset world of cold and whirling snowflakes.
* * *
Almost an hour later, after a neck-tensing drive to the ranch in whiteout conditions, Carson gratefully pulled his truck into the driveway between Cabin Four and Cabin Five. He got out and came around to find Lily already opening the door for the girls.
“Yay! Snow!” Sunny called. “C’mon, Skye!”
But Skye was clinging to Lily’s gloved hand. “Can you come in our cabin? We put out food for Santa every year.”
Worry stabbed at Carson. Skye seemed to already be getting overly attached to Lily.
Lily smiled down at Skye. “That’s such a nice offer, but I’d better not,” she said without offering an excuse. “Run and see if you can catch a snowflake on your tongue!”
Distracted, Skye danced toward her sister, tongue out.
Carson handed Lily her package from the hardware store. “Let’s finish our conversation later, or tomorrow,” he said, by way of warning her that their talk wasn’t over.
She’d obviously not wanted to discuss Pam, and possible reasons why were driving Carson crazy. Pam had been high-strung and intense, not without her problems and issues. Lily might know something about Pam’s death, or her last days, that would shed some light.
Had she also known that Pam was pregnant again?
Even the thought of it stabbed at his heart. Carson had begged her not to go back into the army, to stay home instead. She could have easily gotten a discharge or at least a desk job. But she’d refused. She’d loved the excitement of being overseas. She’d said she wanted one last adventure before she really settled down.
The strong implication being settled down with her boring old husband.
But she’d promised to be careful and to tell her commanding officers about the pregnancy, and she’d assured him she wouldn’t be assigned to any dangerous missions.
So how was it that she’d died from enemy fire?
The loss he’d faced had been double: his wife and his unborn child. To get over it, to move forward with his life, he needed more information, and the army’s official materials hadn’t satisfied him.
“Thanks for the ride,” Lily said. She headed toward her cabin, then turned back. “Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you.” He watched her walk, straight-backed and lonely-looking, toward her cabin to spend the rest of Christmas Eve, and Christmas, alone.
He guessed people might feel sorry for him, too, but at least he had his girls. A true blessing.
“Daddy! Come here!” The twins were jumping up and down on the cabin’s porch, and Carson hurried to them, concerned that even their slight weight would cause the old porch to cave in.
But when he got there, the porch was sturdy and intact, and the twins waved a large red envelope.
“Read it, Daddy, read it!” Sunny said.
He opened the envelope and read, in shaky handwriting: You are cordially invited to a Christmas Eve dinner in Cabin 1. Banjo music included.
He chuckled. He’d planned to serve the girls canned soup and grilled cheese tonight, waiting until tomorrow to attempt to cook the turkey and potatoes he’d bought, but a real, full dinner would be far preferable. And behind the cheerful wording of the invitation was the obvious: Long John wanted the company.
“What does it say?” Skye asked.
He knelt and read it to the girls, earning squeals of excitement.
“Let’s put our things away first,” he said, “and then we’ll head down to see Mr. Long John.”
“Let’s go now!” Sunny held up the package containing the ornaments they’d bought at the hardware store. “Because Mr. Long John doesn’t have any decorations for his tree, and we can put ours on it.”
“Good idea.” There was no point in getting the girls out of their coats just to put them on again. He stowed the rock salt he’d bought on the cabin’s porch and followed the girls through the snow to Long John’s cabin.
As they climbed the porch steps, there was a rustling sound behind them, and Carson turned and saw Lily approaching, carrying a big shopping bag.
“Yay! He invited you, too!” Sunny jumped up and down.
Carson’s heart picked up its pace. Not because of her slender figure and pretty, flushed cheeks, he told himself sternly. Only because he saw the possibility of having his talk with her sooner than he’d expected.
Long John opened the door, and his weathered face broke into a big smile. “What do you know, Rockette, we’ve got company!”
The dog lumbered to her feet, let out a deep “woof” and nudged at the twins, making them giggle.
Lily smiled down at the scene. “Dogs are such a gift. They make everyone happy.”
“You folks didn’t need to bring anything,” Long John said as he ushered them into his cabin. “I mean this to be my treat, and a chance for you to relax. Come on, hang your coats right on that rack.”
Carson turned to help the twins with their jackets and saw that Lily was already unzipping Skye’s. He helped Sunny out of hers. Convenient. Two girls, two adults.
“We brought things to decorate your tree!” Sunny cried, twisting free of her jacket and hurtling over to the bag they’d brought. “See, look, there’s orderments!”
“Ornaments, right, Daddy?” Skye asked.
“Why, they’re right pretty,” Long John interrupted with a wink at Carson. “But I would hate to use up the decorations you planned to put on your own tree.”
“Go for it,” Carson said, at the same time that Skye said, “It’s okay.” Both girls hurried over to Long John’s waist-high, potted Norfolk Island pine.
“Thank you for inviting me,” Lily was saying to Long John. She didn’t hug him, but she clasped both of his hands.
“I’m just glad you all could come,” the older man said, “because I’ve cooked up enough food for a battalion. I’d be hard-pressed to eat it all myself.”
“I brought things to make cookies,” Lily said. “If you’ll let me mix up the batter and start them baking before dinner, the girls can decorate them afterward. Or take them home to decorate, if the party winds down.”
“This party isn’t winding down until midnight!” Long John said indignantly.
Lily lifted an eyebrow and tilted her head to one side, the corners of her mouth turning up. “You think you can outparty me? Game on.”
She was obviously just joking, but Long John chuckled as he patted Lily’s arm, and Carson’s heart warmed. He hadn’t been sure Lily really wanted to join in the gathering, but she was entering into the spirit of it, being kind to the girls and to Long John.
Long John led Lily to the kitchen area, showing her where things were and opening pots to stir them. A sweet-tart smell, ham baking, filled the air. The girls took turns placing ornaments on the little tree, for once not one-upping each other, but having fun together.
Unexpectedly, Carson’s eyes prickled with tears.
This was what he’d wanted for his girls. A warm family Christmas. And if the family wasn’t one of blood, well, that didn’t matter. What mattered was the caring in their hearts. He let his eyes close, to keep the tears from spilling, but also to offer up a silent prayer of thanks.
* * *
Later in the evening, Lily wiped frosting from the twins’ faces, then attempted to clean up the multiple splatters on the kitchen counter. In front of the fire, Long John plucked at his banjo while Carson strung lights on the little Christmas tree.
“Daddy! Mr. Long John! Come see our cookies!” Sunny crowed.
“They’re soooooo beautiful,” Skye added, admiring the two colorful platefuls.
Lily bit back a laugh. Piled high with frosting, plus sprinkles and colored sugar they’d found at Long John’s friend’s house next door, the lopsided cookies wouldn’t be considered beautiful in any standard sense.
The twins’ happy faces, though, made up for any imperfections in the cookies they’d decorated. And the fact that Lily had found a way to help these motherless girls—Pam’s girls—have a little more Christmas joy opened a corner of her heart that had long ago closed down.
“Now ain’t those the prettiest cookies ever,” Long John said, leaning down to admire them. “Do I get to sample one?”
“Choose mine! Mine are on that plate!” Sunny begged.
“Mine are these,” Skye said, pointing to the other plate.
“I think I’d like to try one of each,” Long John said diplomatically, and a moment later Carson did the same.
“This is the best Christmas ever,” Sunny said, and Skye nodded solemnly.
At that, Lily’s good warm feelings drained away. This was most assuredly not the best Christmas the twins had ever experienced, nor Carson, either. Because Pam wasn’t here. She looked uneasily at Carson and caught the stricken expression on his face.
“I don’t think I’ll make it until midnight after all,” she said quickly. “I’m going to head back to my cabin. Thank you for your hospitality.” She gave Long John a quick hug and then knelt and did the same for the girls.
Sunny yawned hugely and leaned into Carson’s leg, while Skye ran to get Lily a cookie to eat later. Long John scooped ham and vegetables into a plastic container and insisted she take the leftovers along for Christmas dinner tomorrow.
“I’ll walk you back,” Carson said as she shrugged into her parka.
“No need. You stay with your girls.”
“Then I’ll watch from the porch to make sure you get there safely,” he said, plucking his own parka from the hook.
She couldn’t think of an argument against that, so she hurried out onto the porch. And gasped.
Snow blanketed everything—the trees, the fence, the cabins. There had to be six or eight inches.
“Whoa.” Carson came to stand beside her, tapping at his phone. “Snow’s not letting up anytime soon,” he said, holding up his weather app for her to see.
She blew out a sigh. “All the more reason for me to get settled inside. Thanks for driving me to town and...and for sharing your girls.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Thank you for entertaining them. They loved baking cookies.” Suddenly, his gaze grew more intense. “They don’t remember, but they did it with their mom, too.”
“I know. She talked about it.” Lily swallowed hard and started down the porch steps, picking her way carefully, but as quickly as possible.
“Lily,” he said, and she turned. “Since it looks like we’ll be snowed in, I’ll stop over tomorrow to make sure you have everything you need,” he said.
“Oh, you don’t have to—”
“And,” he interrupted, his voice decisive, “so we can finish our conversation about Pam.”
Chapter Four (#u9e2d1351-36d4-5617-874a-da9c35c7ee27)
The next morning, Carson checked the cinnamon rolls in the oven, inhaling the rich, sweet smell, and then pulled out the hot chocolate mix. So the rolls were from a refrigerator tube and the cocoa was instant. The girls wouldn’t care.
He paused to look out the cabin window. The sun was just starting to share its rosy light, illuminating the snowy mountains in the distance. He closed his eyes for a moment’s thanks to the Creator: for the majesty outside, for the girls still sleeping in the loft upstairs and, most of all, for the Christ child who’d come into the world to save and bless them all.
He heard a rustle and a giggle upstairs and refocused on his cooking duties. He wanted to make this the best Christmas possible for his girls. Being here at the ranch, away from his computer and work tasks so he could focus on his girls, was a step in the right direction. And last night at Long John’s house had been a good start to the festivities. Long John’s funny songs and joke-telling had kept the girls laughing, and they’d loved playing with Rockette and decorating Long John’s little tree.
And Lily! The way she’d helped the girls decorate cookies had given them such a good time. They’d talked about it, and her, until he’d tucked them into bed around midnight.
The pretty, cryptic woman had held Carson’s attention, too. What motivated her to be so nice to the girls and to Long John?
And what did she know about Pam?
Her eyes had looked troubled both times Carson had brought her up. Why?
Was it something so bad she didn’t want him to know, or had Pam made her promise secrecy?
Unfortunately, he had an idea of what the secret might be.
He heard another giggle and then some whispering. He poured water into the cups holding instant cocoa mix and pulled the cinnamon rolls out of the oven just in time, then snapped open the little container of sugary frosting and started slathering it on the hot rolls.
His mother’s cinnamon rolls had been homemade, yeasty, buttery. He hadn’t known how good he’d had it when he was a kid. But now, looking back, he could recognize that his parents had done their best to make Christmas festive and fun for him, even though, as the only child of only children, he hadn’t had other kids with whom to share the holiday.
“Daddy!” The wooden ladder from the loft clattered alarmingly, and then the twins galloped across the cabin and flung their arms around him, nearly knocking him over in their enthusiasm.
“Merry Christmas!”
“Did Santa come?”
“Can we get in our stockings?”
“Let’s open presents!”
He laughed, wiped his hands and knelt to hug them. “Merry Christmas, sweeties,” he said. “I want you to eat a cinnamon roll first and we’ll have a prayer and a little cocoa.”
“Daddy!”
“And then, if you cooperate, we’ll dig into the stockings.”
They groaned but obediently sat down at the little table and held out their hands for a prayer. Carson thanked God for Christ, and their friends, and their family—quickly—and then helped them each to a cinnamon roll.
“These are good, Daddy!” Sunny said through a way-too-big bite.
Carson decided not to correct table manners on Christmas morning. He was just glad to get a little breakfast into the girls before the gift unwrapping madness began.
Of course, considering that they had candy galore in their stockings, he probably should have fixed something without quite so much sugar for breakfast.
But it was Christmas. He took another cinnamon roll himself. He’d work it off shoveling snow later today.
After the girls dumped out their stockings and gleefully examined all the candy and little windup toys and tiny bottles of scented shampoo and lotion and hand sanitizer, it was time for presents.
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
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